Something didn’t seem right. The colours all around me were clearer, brighter somehow. I was looking out over the ocean, from atop a ridge. The water was a dark blue, indicating the depth of the ocean here. I love this part of Gansbaai. Gansbaai is a small fisherman’s town along the coastline of the Western Cape in South Africa. It is one of my favourite places in my home country. This blue was darker than what it usually seems, more a vivid blue than its usual grey blue. My eyes are playing tricks on me, I thought to myself. I had come here for a quick stop on the way to my parents house in Hermanus, which was twenty minutes away. I don’t know what drew me here today, but I had to stop here for some reason.
Something strange was happening now though. When I arrived here a while ago it was a sunny, hot summer day in January. I sat on what I presumed was the same bench I had sat on about ten years ago, but I wasn’t certain, because many days had passed since then. As I was sitting on the bench, drinking in the warm sun on my cool face, I closed my eyes and took a large breath of the dry salty ocean breeze. As I blew out the warm air in my lungs, a chill ran over me. I felt the warm air around me disappear and now a cold, wet breeze was blowing over me. I took another deep breath, this time cool, moist air filled my nostrils and lungs. Next, I snapped my eyes open, to make sense of what was happening around me. Everything around me was pronounced. The wind blowing past me sounded as if from a clear good quality speaker. The natural light and reflections around me were bright and sharp, but also dark and cool, like the weather that had turned now.
I felt as if I were no longer in my body, but above it, looking down at myself. This feels very familiar, I say to myself. The cold winters day, the fresh smell of the ocean, the moistness in the air wetting my hair. How could this be? It was warm and sunny just a second ago, now it feels like a cold dark winter’s day. The next moment I hear a rumbling, tumbling sound coming from the ocean in front of me, I spin my head in the direction of the sound, a sound that was all too familiar too. How can that be, I asked myself. That is a whale I hear. The only problem is, it’s January, and this whale would be long gone by now. I look out over the now rough sea, and lo and behold, there is a Southern Right whale bobbing around in the water, with a calf at its side. This area of South Africa is well known for Southern Right whale sightings, as they migrate to this area in winter to mate and give birth to their young. This happens between June and October in this area, so it is all too strange to spot them now, in January.
The next moment I realise that something is very amiss, either I am going insane and seeing imaginary whales, or I have somehow traveled back in time, to a moment I had already lived. That can be the only explanation, for everything around me feels way too familiar. I am reliving that day. A day I have thought about so many times. The closeness of the majestic creatures, unaware of my existence, will forever be implanted in my brain. I have thought about this moment many times, only this time around, it is re-happening, and it is filling me with such awe and joy and fear that if I close my eyes, it will disappear.
For a number of minutes, I sit there, taking it all in, my eyes wide and unblinking, because for some reason I know that if I blink my eyes, I will be back in January. My eyes follow every movement of the mother whale and her calf, small against her side, but bigger than my car. I listen to the sounds they make, a moaning rumbling sound that moves through my body like a cold sip of ice water.
After another few minutes, I can feel my eyes starting to ache, the need to blink fast approaching. I struggle against the urge, but finally I give in. I close my eyes tight, hoping that when I reopen them, nothing will have changed. But I realise that I have already returned to January, for the sun was again hot against my face, the sharp light stinging through the slivers of my closed eyes. The fresh cool ocean smell has been replaced with a warm salty smell. I open my eyes and before me is only a calm deep grey blue ocean stretch. Gone are the majestic whales.